Powerful Skills

Today I decided to take a different approach to blogging. I will share with you the world according to Karen Black of Insight Edge. Through my work as an Executive Coach, I believe there are two critical skills leaders can use to be more effective in their roles. They are listening and asking powerful questions. Although previous blogs have discussed these skills, I feel they are worthy of additional emphasis and focus.

Listening is critical to relationship building. How many times have you been listening to someone and thinking about the pile of work you have to complete? How many times have you been in conversation where someone asks a question, and you can't answer because you were not listening? I have experienced both of these situations.

What does it take to really listen? There are a number of books written on this subject. Most of us never took listening 101. To really listen means to be present in the here and now. It is not thinking about my weekend plans, or the number of telephone calls and emails to return while someone is communicating with me. It is keeping my attention on the conversation at hand.

Two of my favorite books that address staying in the present moment are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Presence Process by Michael Brown. Neither would be considered business books, however they outline powerful processes for staying in the now.

Being open-hearted is another critical characteristic to listening well. It is engaging in a conversation without preconceived notions of the outcome. It is also caring about the person. I have seen the power of this in conflict resolution conversations. Individuals were willing to put their egos and agenda aside. The outcome was astounding.

Open-heartedness also means being willing to be changed by the conversation. Have you ever gotten new information and made a different decision based on that information? One of my clients was planning to have a conversation with his CFO. He was angry about a task that was not completed. If he had approached him from the assumptions he was making, it would have been disasterous to the relationship. However, the CEO asked powerful questions and really listened to the CFO. They were able to resolve the issue in a way that worked for both parties. The CEO remained open to what the CFO had to say.

Asking powerful questions is another key tool when working with individuals. How many times have you walked into a conversation assuming how it would go? There was no checking for clarity or trying to understand the other's position. There was no effort made to ask open ended questions or use statements that would bring additional clarity to the issue at hand. We have all done that. However, there is another way. Stephen Covey states, "Seek first to understand, then be understood". Powerful questions or statements help you to gain that new understanding.

One of my favorite statements is, "help me understand what happened in this situation". It is important to be genuine and sincere when using it. Also, asking what, how, when and who questions can be of great assistance. I prefer to avoid "why" questions as it tends to put people on the defensive.

In a world of instant gratification, both of these skills require patience and a commitment to using them. There are times when organizations are are so profit and results-oriented they lose sight of these critical skills. What I know from my work in organizations, both these skills can pay big dividends in the long run.

How can you utilize these skills to enhance both business and personal relationships?