Conflict Resolution: Part IV

Sitting in Starbucks waiting for an appointment, I observed a mother and her three year old son. The little boy was exploring all aspects of the coffee shop. At one point, he stopped and yelled to his mother, "I see you" over and over and over again. He then moved to different parts of the room and continued his chorus of "I see you". After watching this for five minutes, I realized all he wanted was for his mother to say, "I see you!" She never did. In that moment the greater realization came that conflict resolution is really about seeing and hearing others' perspectives. It is saying, "I see you!"

As we conclude the four week series on conflict resolution, we are left with the question, "How do we resolve conflict?" The following steps will address this issue. Although these steps provide a foundation for resolution, it is the constant practice which brings great results.

These steps will provide a basis for dealing with conflict as follows:

1. Prepare
2. Set up a time to meet in a neutral environment. It prevents both individuals from feeling he/she has an advantage.
3. Establish some operating principles. These can include guidelines such as being respectful, listening and being open and honest.
4. Each participant shares her/his perspective.
5. Summarize after each participant has shared to ensure understanding.
6. Talk until a breakthrough occurs. This is evidenced by conciliatory gestures (Conflict Resolution by Dan Dana). Conciliatory gestures include apologizing, owning responsibility, conceding, self-disclosure, expressing positive feelings and initiating both gain (Dana, 71).
7. Utilize communication skills: listening, reflecting, paraphrasing, summarizing and asking open-ended questions.
8. Create a behaviorally specific agreement. It answers the question, "How will our behavior be different going forward?"
9. Schedule a follow up meeting.

It takes practice and a willingness to resolve conflict. The greatest benefits are more innovative, and creative solutions occur when conflict is dealt with and resolved.

How do you deal with conflict now? How will you deal with it going forward?

Conflict Resolution: Part III

During my graduate work in conflict management and dispute resolution I took a class called Workplace Mediation with Judy Mares-Dixon of Mares-Dixon and Associates. It was a fabulous class and she was one of the best professors I had. She talked about the dynamics of conflict or as I like to call them, the sources of conflict. There are five: relationship problems, data problems, value differences, structural problems and interests. As we continue our discussion on conflict resolution, examining these five areas can help in identifying the root causes of current issues facing your organization.

Beginning with relationship problems let's explore these dynamics. There are times that a lack of trust and respect, style or communication differences can ignite or feed conflict. For example, in one organization in which I mediated, the two parties distrusted each other enormously. Until the parties could find some level of trust through communication, it would be difficult for them to move forward.

Data problems exist when there is inaccurate, incorrect or missing information. When employees do not receive the necessary data, they tend to interpret information through their own filters.

Conflict can also be caused by value differences. We know by observing behavior what people value. At one point in my career, I worked for an organization where there were huge value difference. My value of integrity was very different from how the owners conducted business. I was very conflicted inside. Over time my position was eliminated and I left the organization. I later realized the end result was inevitable due to those differences.

Structural problems exist within organizations. Have you ever worked for two bosses? Have you ever experienced a lack of clarity in your position? Have you ever lacked the necessary resources to do your job well? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are dealing with structural problems.

Last but not least are interests. In conflict resolution, part of the goal is to find common interests. Interests are the underlying reasons for what we want. For example, if Bill and Sue are working on a project together, they want it to be successful. However, their interests may be very different. Bill wants the project to be a success because he will look good and it will advance his career. Sue wants the project to be successful so that there will be repeat business and the company's reputation in the market place will grow.

When examining conflict, explore the dynamics of relationship problems, data problems, value differences, structural problems and interests. Often time, there may be more than one of these factors in play.

Which of these factor(s) do you most often see in your organization?

Conflict Resolution: Part II

Ghandi once said, "Conflict isn't necessarily bad because when you have conflict everybody learns something. Both sides learn something about themselves and each other. It becomes a learning and strengthening process". He understood the value of conflict to individuals and organizations.

What is conflict? We have defined it as, "the perceived and/or actual incompatibility of needs, interests and/or goals between two or more interdependent parties (Coltri)". Simply put, any relationship that depends on others where differences exist, could potentially become a conflict.

A Conflict may gradually develop over time. There are three levels of conflict as follows:

• Difference: A different perception on the same issue. Is usually not significant.


• Dispute: It is significant and usually a single issue that is driven and dealt with in the here and now.


• Conflict: Unresolved disputes that are highly complex and intensely identified on a personal level.

How often have you seen a difference eventually turn into a conflict? I worked with an Executive in an organization and one of his team members. The problems began with a difference. The team member made a simple request and the Executive discounted it. The individual was unwilling to address the issue at this level. A series of events happened that moved the difference to a dispute (she/he does not listen to me and value my input). Eventually it became a conflict with multiple issues to include; a lack of trust, respect, and honesty, and no clearly defined roles and responsibilities. A difference if not addressed may turn into a full blown conflict costing the organization time and money to resolve it.

Based on what we have been discussing, how often in your organization does a difference become a conflict? What is the cost to your organization?